An Awful Lot Has Changed In Almost Two Years!

So it's been awhile huh? So much has changed. So many new landmarks in time have been created. My daddy passed May of 21'. My youngest child married the love of his life November of 21' and they are expecting their first child any day now.  My oldest child met their new partner May of  22' and they now have moved to Houston Texas to start another chapter. And my aunt, my daddy's baby sister, has up and moved herself and all her belongs to Quincy Florida. She has joined the rest of the family here, living the small town life and seems to be loving it so far. 

Today we had one of our many gatherings - this one to celebrate the birthdays of both my sister and my husband. Both born on the same day if you can believe that -August 21st. We had a menu of BBQ chicken which Zach slaved in this North Florida heat to man the grill; his efforts were not wasted as it was delicious! The rest of the menu would include real mashed taters, cole slaw, baked beans complete with the bacon strips per a Paula Deen recipe, and a homemade banana pudding for dessert. Which let me just say, I'm willing to use most any recipe of Paula Deen's as she usually promises and delivers perfection to the taste buds. 

There would be many stories told and some re-told. Lots of laughter accompanied with those said stories. My daddy, rest his soul, was one of the continuing names repeated throughout the day. And Mr. Jimmy Teate, you and the place you retired from there in Dothan was also discussed - both as one of Daddies best buddies, and also, because Zach bought himself / his company a four-wheeler there last year and a Mr. J.A. sold it to him, someone that you probably worked with in your time. I'll have to tell you the story the next time I see you at one of Mama's birthday parties there in Columbus. 

We also covered the subject of nail salons, and which nail salon might use the practice of hot stones as part of the pedicure treatment. I myself do not know but I promised to get right on that job of researching who might. I will have to say, the only thing I know about hot rocks and body parts never turned out good for anyone. I watch a lot of, well we'll just say, criminal activity shows, and most people I witnessed having that done were definitely not enjoying it! 

We discussed Bahia grass at great length - a grass that is an irritant for most anyone who has it. It grows too fast and its nasty black ends slap/sting your legs when you walk through your yard bare-legged. WD attempted to broach the suggestion of my aunt buying a small lawnmower, given she has a small yard. That fell on deaf ears, which it should have and was dismissed as a ridiculous notion almost immediately. 
Her present lawn man has no worries of being replaced, I assure you of that. 

And the little mama left our house, both tired, which is now an eternal condition, and sleepy. Megan is not far from her own final destination as a pregnant woman. It won't be long now before little Mr. David Harper Helms will make his grand appearance. His daddy made quite the entrance into this real life world himself, so I truly expect no less of the little one he helped to create. 

And as most of you already know through FB Land, I have quite the little room made-up for this grandbaby of mine. I have seven other bonus grandchildren but all of  them are quite the distance away from us. I'm looking forward to being able to put my eyes and hands on this little one at most anytime I want to, more than anyone could imagine. I have quite the extensive book collection already, and I don't think it will take me all that long to find all my characters and voices that have been packed away inside of me for quite some time now. 

Somebody told me yesterday that they missed reading my blogs and stories and you know what? I think I miss writing them a little bit too. So this first one in awhile is for you Ruth Patton. Thank you for pushing me to sit down and start again. I expect in the months to come I will have a lot to talk about. Maybe the folks who have never read me before, will stick around to find out. 

Christmas In A New Light

2020 Christmas - me and my Daddy

Christmas of 2010 was spent in Albany, Georgia at my parents house where we had spent every Christmas since I had gotten married and moved out. The difference, I was now divorced, dating the man who would later become my husband, and of course, I still had my children in tow. They were older now, 24 and 15 years old to be exact. But we all still gathered at my folks for Christmas Day dinner. 

This particular year I would notice a tiredness that I hadn't seen before. Or had I seen it and just not been ready to make the change? Hadn't wanted to stop the dream of home and comfort quite yet. The familiar smells and always delicious food that we were guaranteed to take part in devouring when we gathered around the table. 

That day, as we all found our seats, I glanced down at the end of the table and saw the biggest silent reality-check one could receive. My daddy and my Mama were sitting next to one another, we were all exclaiming over how good everything looked; and as all of that was happening I saw my daddy put his hand over my mother's and pat her hand a couple of times as if to say, "I know how tired you are, I'm sorry, and I appreciate you". 

That's what his expression said to her; to me it was a silent suggestion that it was time. It was time for

someone else to take the heavy reins of responsibility that come with cooking a huge meal like that for 8-10 people. Because back then, even though we asked if we could help or bring food, my sister and I were usually only tasked with bringing the ice or the rolls. So there I was in 2011 - about to embark on the biggest task of my cooking life. I had all the recipes and I was fully capable - meaning I could read and follow directions. I didn't have a big enough table, so for that first year so I rented a long table and some plastic chairs from Bell & Bates. It served it's purpose, we had enough room for everybody to have a place to seat and eat, but I swore the next year my Mama wouldn't be sitting in an uncomfortable, plastic chair at Christmas. The food was mostly alright but there is an art to my mother's dressing and I was definitely not in a Picasso state yet. 

The next year, I set out to find a table, the perfect table for my family - all of my family. I would find it at the first store I went to - which was Turner's. And I don't mind doing a little side advertising for them - they are where I always find my best pieces of furniture. I walked the whole store it seemed, then I rounded a corner and there it was! I had to order two extra chairs - but that beautiful table was going to be mine. 

As the years have gone by, ten years and counting now, the meals are all served here, and my family sits together in comfort at the perfect table. The meals have improved, meaning the dressing is now becoming "my art" and my kids are older now, and I don't mind at all letting any of them bring a dish or two to complete the meal. They're all good cooks and it's less stress for me! 

This will be the first Christmas sitting at the table without Daddy at the head of one end. I know people say there are a lot of first's after a loved one passes away. Father's Day, his grandson's wedding, Thanksgiving, and his December birthday, have all come and gone. 

But we're all doing the best we know how. My house, table and bar were packed at Thanksgiving which made me happier than you could imagine, we celebrated Mama's birthday in style, and tomorrow is Christmas. 

But tonight - tonight we are going to take Mama riding to look at Christmas lights. She said it had been years since she had been. Once Daddy's disease began to take hold, he didn't feel comfortable driving too far in the daylight - much less in the dark. So I'd say it's been at least 6 or 7 years since she last went. I'm hoping the lights do for all of us what we all feel like is missing - some brightness, color, joy and hope. 

Merry Christmas to all - from our family to yours. 

It's Been A Minute

 It's been almost exactly six months. In two more days it will be the last day we would physically see your face, no matter that you would no longer see us. 

We had a big 4th of July, a big ole' meal like one that you would have enjoyed. The kids were here, and even Amanda rode down and spent the whole weekend with us. United we decided, that the first person to sit in your seat after you were gone, would be Amanda. We thought it was only fitting, being that she is your baby sister and all.

After lunch Zach broke out the cornhole targets and he, Megan, J and Ashley played a game or three in my front yard as Mama, Amanda and I watched from the front porch. 

Later that night, we all lined-up in lawn chairs across your front lawn, while Zach and Megan would put on a firework show that would rival any others I had ever seen. We all laughed big and smiled hard, but we all still knew you were missing.

J has a new partner and their name is Brett. She is absolutely lovely, just the right mix of funny, social and smart as a whistle - just like J. And that's good; J has always preferred to be mentally challenged a bit. We broke her in on our family at my 58th birthday celebration. We all had the biggest time! We had supper at Laredo's, a local Mexican restaurant and IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THIS - we all left there and after much coaxing - Mama, Ashley and I followed the kids to The Bottom! Per Zach, it's kind of a dive bar, but it's one with an inviting and cozy fire place, and tons of character some would say.  And no worries, we got her home unscathed and stone cold sober.  It turned out to be a great birthday, complete with my be-jeweled crown Mama had bought for me earlier in the day. but I missed your phone call, which was almost always, my first call of the day.  

A week ago, your youngest grandchild married the girl of his dreams. We all know how hard you tried to make it. How much you wanted to be able to see it. But I still know that you did. It was beautiful, Megan was beautiful, Zach was beautiful and so was J - and of course their respective wedding parties. All of Zach's childhood friends plus J stood by his side - and I tell you - I have never felt so much love and brotherhood in my life from where I sat. 

All the normal dances were performed - but then Zach surprised his Mema with a grandmother dance. He asked her to dance in his own typical phrasing "come on Mema, we're gonna jook". They would dance to the soft, soothing tones of the Temptations as My Girl echoed through the covered tent. Mama would tell me later that Zach was singing the song to her as well, as they danced in front of crowd with misty eyes all around. 

Next week is a big one though - it will be our first big holiday without you. And then fast-before-you-can-blink, after that one, will come another - Christmas. 
It's the Saturday before the big day next week, and very untypical of me, I am just now decorating my big, loving table for the season. 

I'm not sure how any of it is going to feel, or how it's going to go. I just know there will be a big fat hole left, where you used to be. 

I hope it doesn't take me as long to decorate for Christmas as it did for Thanksgiving. I know that you never liked Christmas much, a lot of people just don't do well during the holidays. But you always loved to look at my tree once it was all decorated. Maybe you can figure out a way to let me know that you're here.   

I've been missing your mama / my MaMa - once you left us - I suspect she was finally full of comfort. She hasn't visited me since you've been gone. At all. So for all the doubter's out there - I will always know that was her - just like I know - that now that her baby boy has gone home - she has gone quiet. I love you Daddy and I sure hope I hear from you soon. Love, the daughter named Michelle                                  It's Been 

We're All Still Here!

So, it's been quite a long time since I had anything that I could put into words; that I actually felt like putting into words. I woke up this morning and figured, what the heck, give it another go. I decided to talk about the rest of this year, since April was the last time my words were officially in print.

Actually, I'll backtrack a bit to last January, a trip home, and I lunch with friends. Haven't managed to do another one of those since. I need to get on that.

End of February, my sister's husband passed, very unexpectedly and suddenly. That is when all of our lives began to change - for the better. She came to live with us, my parents were still looking for a home in Quincy, and we would all settle into our "new" normal.

My parents officially moved here end of April, first of May. That of course was great news! Except the move was hard. But then again, nothing is easy in your late 70's. Heck, I was a big part of the move and I'm here to tell you, nothing is easy in your mid-50's! A lifetime of stuff is just difficult to go through, pack-up and move. But we did it! It was done. 

The end of May,  my mother came down with pneumonia and spent a day or two in the hospital. That was her first introduction to Capital Regional Hospital. And as you all know, even though she was back home and on medication, you don't just jump out of a bout with pneumonia.  There were boxes galore still needing to be unpacked - with no energy to do it. 

That was the happenings on Quail Roost Drive. Meanwhile, 10 minutes away on South Lowe Street, we were smack in the middle of a never-ending house renovation. The process which was said to take 8-10 weeks, started in March, we would not see the end of that project until late August. That was very possibly the longest five months of my life.

End of June I would reunite with my long-time friend, Darla and finally get to meet the man of her dreams over an early dinner in Marianna, Florida. Plenty of laughter and hugs, just not enough time.

First of September, my sister who had been living with us since the end of February, left us, to take her place, acquaint herself with her very own bedroom, with my parents at Quail Roost. They took special pains to have her room decorated and made to suit her tastes, so that she would feel at home once she arrived.

Everything was gliding along, seemingly; one by one, they were unloading boxes and arranging their new home to fit their needs.

Second week of  September, Mom fell ill again. She was admitted to Capital Regional once more - this visit lasted 19 days, including a journey with sepsis, diverticulitis and a major surgery, before it was all said and done.

She comes home and it's close to October now. She's in full recovery-mode, or trying to be. But it's hard. And I hate to keep repeating myself, but a major surgery in your late 70's is no joke. As a matter of fact, my mom is one of the toughest people I have ever known, and she was struggling.

Middle of October, I had surgery to have a hernia removed - something that I had been putting off for a year or two. The surgery was uncomplicated and healed as such.

Thanksgiving was spent with family, everyone was doing well, and life was good on Lowe Street. December rolls around, 2nd week, and she is sick again. She is admitted once more to Capital Regional, this time with pneumonia and strep. They keep her for 4 days. The next week she went back for her post-op checkup and she was admitted once again for an irregular heartbeat. Her b/p meds were changed, she came home 2 days later, December 20th, 2 days from her 79th birthday.

Do we know all of the nurses staff at Capital Regional yet? No. And no offense, but we know everybody we want to know at this point.

So to summarize, if you ask me how my 2019 went - I don't have a lot of positive things to say about it - but there is this:

My parents DID get moved down here, and I am telling you now, I could not have imagined going through the last 8 months with them being at a distance of almost 2 hours on a one way trip. I just can't. That they have been less than 10 minutes from us, and no more than 40 minutes to the hospital for visits in Tallahassee - well I just can't tell you how much that as meant.

My sister's husband is no longer with us, but his death brought her back to all of us - and it brought her back to life. She is whole new person, in mind, body and soul. I'm so proud of her, for her, I have no words other than  to say sometimes there truly are good blessings that come from bad happenings.

My kids are doing good. Life is treating them both well, it's giving them everything back that they seem to be giving to it. They both have wonderful, loving partners, comfortable places to live, and jobs that bring them not only monetary value - but joy. And as we all know, if you can like what you do every day - your life is just that much more enriched with the golds so many others are seeking to find. I haven't seen my oldest in two years - but there are talks of a Spring visit and I'm crossing my fingers.

And lastly, my husband and I are loving our new made-for-Hollywood bathroom, our new floors and again, we LOVE having "our people" right here, right where we can get to them, help them, with anything and everything they may need, with a quickness. There is something to be said for peace of mind - and if we don't have anything else - we have that.

So for 2020 - I'm hoping for less sickness. That's it. Sure, we could all plan for this or strive for that; but the bottom line is: if we all stay healthy, we're still employed or happily retired, and we're all still on the green side of the grass - the rest is just bonus.

Happy New year Folks - make it the best you can!


Our year in pictures in no particular order:

4th Of July with some long time friends of my parents - it was a good day! 

:

January Girls Lunch 

Everybody that came! 

Moving Day

Happier Days - never thought I'd see something like this...makes my heart happy. 

Darla and Stan - another heart happy moment

Thanksgiving and family

The beginning 

Mother's Day

Another Thanksgiving shot 

Christmas Day! 

Love this - Mother's Day 

A wedding, and a dance with my baby boy 

Surgery day! 

Ashley's Birthday!

My daddy and his sister Amanda

Xian and J

Zach and Megan 

Love Hard, Love Always

A friend of a friend's mother was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. My friend asked if she could share my experience with her friend.

Of course I said yes, but it would only be my side - from the outside looking in. It was one of the top five most horrible days of my life when I realized what was really happening. The sense of loss is staggering, and a little unreasonable, given that they are still here.

If any part of my story helps someone else cope, deal or figure out what they're witnessing - you are always more than welcome.

It's heartbreaking - no doubt. At first you feel like they're already gone. But you learn fast, that while so much of them is still here, learn to love what you have, whatever it happens to be that day, because it will be different all the time. It is for me - even now.

If I spent too much time crying or being sad, I'd miss the the days that are still good ones. But that doesn't mean, after a days visit, even a good one, that I don't feel sorry for myself and for him, and cry on the way back home. And that's alright - because it's a sad, horrible situation.

It's hard not grieve like they're already gone - but hopefully you figure out that they are still here, it doesn't help - and you just have to figure out a way in.

I'm okay now - but the day my Daddy doesn't know me, well, that will become another "worst day of my life".

The biggest truth I can offer is how many times you will find a new "okay". You'll get past the shock of a horrible new thing, and sadly, it will become familiar, and you'll be okay until the next "new" horrible thing comes along.

The other biggest thing is to pray those times come far apart. Love them as hard as you can while you still have them, while they still know you, and especially after they don't. It's my understanding that they can become scared of you - their wife, their daughter, or their son - once they no longer know who you are. That makes me the most sad I think - that my daddy would ever be scared of me. Love hard, love always.

THE BIG MOVE

The Newest Addition to Quincy, Florida Living! 

Well folks, I have held this in for as long as I could possibly could. At times, I have felt like I was underwater and someone was smashing my head down with their heavy hand - just trying to see how long I could stand it.

It's been a long time coming, for me at least. I have wanted it, prayed for it, and finally - it's here. I know there are mixed feelings for some people wrapped up in this deal and I fully understand that. Once you have found it, settled into and love it, you don't want to leave it. It's yours, you looked for it forever, finally found it and you never wanted to leave.

But life and circumstance have stepped in and said Whoa Nelly! We're going to have to go in this direction now. My heart hurts for you and feels for you - but it also sings. It sings loud and it sings excitedly and proudly. Admittedly, many of those feelings are selfishly for myself and mine - because again - I have prayed for this more times than I could tell you.

I know what a monstrous event this feels like for them - moving themselves and their entire lives in a truck, two hours up the road. I also know, to most, that doesn't seem like much of a big deal - but I'm only 55 years old and I have accumulated a lot of life in my home too - believe me, it's a big deal.

But once it's all said and done - my folks, the people who created me, will be no more than ten minutes away from me whether I am at home or at work. I cannot tell all folks what relief and joy that brings to me and mine. I will be able to see them most anytime I want to - after work, on weekends, Sunday and Saturday lunches - just the thought of all that instant access make me plum giddy.

I don't know what the future holds for any of us, but my thought is this: whatever comes our way in sickness and in health, for better or worse - we will all be right here together to help one another get through it. I hope in time the love for where they were and their life before, shifts to where they will be now and all the hopes for the better lives for us all it will bring.

Needless to say - this will absolutely be the best Mother's Day present this daughter could have ever wanted to receive. To have her mama, her best friend, so close that she can almost reach out and touch her. To know that the woman she called and talked to on the phone, everyday without fail, sometimes wondering if she was reading words and moods differently than they seem to be conveyed, and worrying about that same difference, causing her nights to be restless - was about to be over. If I need to know - I can just go see for myself!

Happy Mother's Day to THE best Mama any girl could ever ask for - our days are about to be better than we could have ever imagined and you will never know how much I'll treasure this time in our lives as adults and friends, not just mother and daughter.

So without further ado, Ladies and Gentlemen of Gadsden County - on Monday, May 13th - my parents, Jean and David Mount - will officially be homeowners here in Quincy, Florida! If you see them (or my sister Ashley) out and about, and you will before long, please welcome them with all the open arms and kindness that you welcomed me and mine almost 21 years ago now. I know they will come to love this place and all of you - just as I have over the years. Quincy is a magical little town - and I pray they can feel that and come to appreciate it just as I have.

Being Financially Aware Is Important

My sister’s husband passed away, this past February 22^nd. He was only 56 years old; he hadn’t been sick or ill, it wasn’t expected. He did have a few health problems like many of us at that age, but he was treating them with daily medications, so again, it wasn’t expected.

Now pay attention because this is important: my sister is 50 years old, and has been qualified for disability for about 10 years or so now, and not able to work. Notice that I said qualified, but I did not say, she has been receiving disability. She spent several years in court as many people do, with doctor reports and such, trying to make a judge understand her limitations – to no avail. Finally, someone saw the light, granted the motion for benefits and she received them for about a year or so.

Her husband then changed jobs, and with that new job came a pay increase, and with that new pay increase, the disability benefits all but disappeared, because now the over-all income in their home was above the rate for her to continue to receive those benefits previously awarded.

Fast forward to February when her husband passed. They had moved many times over the years, and somehow all of my sister’s personal legal documents were nowhere to be found. And I mean all of them: birth certificate, marriage license, last known picture ID as she is no longer licensed to drive – nothing. In our hands, all we were left holding proving her to be the wife of her deceased husband was a death certificate – but nothing else even to prove that was really her.

When I tell you what a vicious cycle it is trying to get proof of all those documents without a picture ID – well we’ll just say it was starting to feel dang near impossible. Plus, none of his accounts, for instance, his checking account, had her name on it, so we had to have major proofs of identification/affidavits for her to be able to draw those funds out of his account.

For weeks she felt betrayed and abandoned because she was not aware accounts had been changed or that she was no longer a signer. But we are family, and little by little we have put all the pieces together to make her a whole person again, in name and in spirit.  The next battle is to get her SSI benefits reinstated – which should go fairly smooth.

My point to you ladies today is this: never, ever lose who you are – as a person, or as a human being. Know your finances, don’t let yourselves be shut-out from banking accounts, and make a Will. I don’t care if you’re 35 years old – make a Will. If you have anything of value, monetarily or otherwise, that you want to go to someone specific – make a Will. Make sure you can access/be a co-signer, on all accounts so there are no radical surprises on top of the grief you are experiencing. Have a credit card that’s in YOUR name, whether you use it or not.

In what is already the darkest time of your life; don’t be left alone, dependent, lost and scared.