Sunday, July 1, 2012
With that in mind, when I began dating again some fifteen odd years ago, I made up my mind to never settle for less than what I believed to be right, good, and lasting. I had several hit and misses along my journey. But with age, comes a swifter understanding of what is acceptable and what is not.
I stumbled across my most lasting partner by accident and quite frankly, by surprise. He was not what I would have been looking for, even if I stretched my imagination of where I was willing to go, as far as it would reach. In many ways we were made alike, and in so many others, we were absolutely nothing even close.
We spent seven and a half years trying to figure out between us, if this were it. If we were the ones for each other, forever and ever amen. If you ask me do I believe in love at first sight, I would tell you no. I believe in delight at first sight. But that deep, dark, gut wrenching pain and glorious love that comes only with time..no...you do not find that at first sight.
We still have our days. The days of no one saying the right words at the right time with the right tone. Or reactions to circumstance being slower than expected and less than what we desire. When the constant reminders of lights being left on, his tools left out, and his gas can still sitting under the carport after he asked three times for it to be put up, are more than you want to hear after your awful day at work.
As I said earlier, you have to take accountability. Take note of the positive and negatives. Keeping in mind, your partner may have a list of their own, and you should only be willing to list as much as your willing to fix.
Does he help clean the kitchen as much as I would like?
No, but I don't work in the heat or cold of a joist shop for nine hours a day, every day of my life.
Does he apologize as quickly as he should?
No, but he does apologize now. When I met him, he never did.
Does he know how to cook or offer to learn?
No, but he never lets a meal go by that he doesn't kiss me on the cheek and tell me he enjoyed it, whether he really did or not. And he never hesitates paying for take out, when I say I'm just too tired to cook.
Is he tighter with money than makes me happy some days?
Yes, but he has helped pay for the education and well being of two children that are not even his blood.
We have been together since December of 1998. Our first date was December 12th of that year. We married with family and a few friends bearing witness on July 2, 2006. I count all of those 13+ years as our anniversary every year. All of those years, good and bad, make us what we are to each other today.
Was he the right choice? There are those who would say no. Was he the best choice? There are those who would argue that. But he was my choice then and he is my choice now. Whether it's his corny sayings that I never get tired of hearing, his humor that is like none I have ever known before, his slow and steady temperament that calms most situations, or simply that he still makes my insides feel gushy when he takes his shirt off some days...all of those things matter. They all create what he is to me. Why I am here. And why I have dedicated the rest of my life to making this thing we call marriage....work.
Happy Anniversary 13th/6th Anniversary Mims....we've still got a long way to go. So buckle up and enjoy the ride.