It's been almost exactly six months. In two more days it will be the last day we would physically see your face, no matter that you would no longer see us.
We had a big 4th of July, a big ole' meal like one that you would have enjoyed. The kids were here, and even Amanda rode down and spent the whole weekend with us. United we decided, that the first person to sit in your seat after you were gone, would be Amanda. We thought it was only fitting, being that she is your baby sister and all.
After lunch Zach broke out the cornhole targets and he, Megan, J and Ashley played a game or three in my front yard as Mama, Amanda and I watched from the front porch.
Later that night, we all lined-up in lawn chairs across your front lawn, while Zach and Megan would put on a firework show that would rival any others I had ever seen. We all laughed big and smiled hard, but we all still knew you were missing.
J has a new partner and their name is Brett. She is absolutely lovely, just the right mix of funny, social and smart as a whistle - just like J. And that's good; J has always preferred to be mentally challenged a bit. We broke her in on our family at my 58th birthday celebration. We all had the biggest time! We had supper at Laredo's, a local Mexican restaurant and IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THIS - we all left there and after much coaxing - Mama, Ashley and I followed the kids to The Bottom! Per Zach, it's kind of a dive bar, but it's one with an inviting and cozy fire place, and tons of character some would say. And no worries, we got her home unscathed and stone cold sober. It turned out to be a great birthday, complete with my be-jeweled crown Mama had bought for me earlier in the day. but I missed your phone call, which was almost always, my first call of the day.
A week ago, your youngest grandchild married the girl of his dreams. We all know how hard you tried to make it. How much you wanted to be able to see it. But I still know that you did. It was beautiful, Megan was beautiful, Zach was beautiful and so was J - and of course their respective wedding parties. All of Zach's childhood friends plus J stood by his side - and I tell you - I have never felt so much love and brotherhood in my life from where I sat.
All the normal dances were performed - but then Zach surprised his Mema with a grandmother dance. He asked her to dance in his own typical phrasing "come on Mema, we're gonna jook". They would dance to the soft, soothing tones of the Temptations as My Girl echoed through the covered tent. Mama would tell me later that Zach was singing the song to her as well, as they danced in front of crowd with misty eyes all around.
Next week is a big one though - it will be our first big holiday without you. And then fast-before-you-can-blink, after that one, will come another - Christmas.
It's the Saturday before the big day next week, and very untypical of me, I am just now decorating my big, loving table for the season.
I'm not sure how any of it is going to feel, or how it's going to go. I just know there will be a big fat hole left, where you used to be.
I hope it doesn't take me as long to decorate for Christmas as it did for Thanksgiving. I know that you never liked Christmas much, a lot of people just don't do well during the holidays. But you always loved to look at my tree once it was all decorated. Maybe you can figure out a way to let me know that you're here.
I've been missing your mama / my MaMa - once you left us - I suspect she was finally full of comfort. She hasn't visited me since you've been gone. At all. So for all the doubter's out there - I will always know that was her - just like I know - that now that her baby boy has gone home - she has gone quiet. I love you Daddy and I sure hope I hear from you soon. Love, the daughter named Michelle It's Been
