Thursday, March 29, 2012

When The Crazy Takes Over

I stumbled out of the bed, my eyes feeling as if they were glued shut. My mind roaring the words in my head, oh why cannot it not be Saturday?! Tripped over a pair of flip flops that had been kicked off in a strewn fashion the day before, fumbling to maintain my balance, bumped my knee on the foot board of the bed. As I grimaced and cursed under my breath, or maybe out loud, that time of the morning it's hard to tell what's happening, I rubbed the pain out of my knee and continued on to the bathroom for my morning shower. 

I stood in the hot pouring water, still struggling to stay awake as the warmness of the water streaming over my head and down my back, has lulled me into a soft sleepy state again. I wash and condition my hair, rinse and am ready to get out and begin my day. I open the curtain, reach for my towel, and there is only one. For my body. I forgot to get the towel for my wet dripping hair. As I walk from the bathroom, dripping water every step of the way, dripping into my eyes, blurring my vision, I am thinking..really? IS this really how it's going to be today? 

Later into the day, an email conversation between me and one of my "twin" sisters takes place.  

Me: "That's my life in a nutshell"
Kat: "ok..cheer up or is it THAT time?"
Me:  "Past--overdue--last Thursday..symptoms are still here...ALL OF THEM..that noticeable huh?
Kat: "VERY"
Me:  "LMAO, sorry. So tired..drug out..moody..all of it. IT either needs to happen ..or stop.
Kat:  "Don't apologize to me, I just hate I always miss the show down there..LOL
Me:  "I've been pretty good today, walking is helping me tremendously I think, almost negates the need for an anger management class...or medication ;)
Kat:  "May need to add a couple of laps"
Me:  "LOL, ya think? I was thinking I had this thing in control"
Kat: "Negative"

You know, I try. I really do. But it's just so hard. To maintain any manner of decorum when all that is going on. It's hard to shop at the grocery store. It's harder to restrain myself from taking my grocery cart and taking out half of the store because they are in my way, walking too slow, or can't make their child stop whining on aisles one through eight for Cocoa Puffs.  

Or to drive. Wanting to put my foot on the gas pedal, all the way to the floor, and roar down HWY 90, knocking other vehicles out of the way like bumper cars. Because few in Quincy knows what a blinker is made for, and although I always try and stay alert, in times like these, it's harder, and I end up slamming my neck into whiplash as some dumb you know what slings into the Dollar General parking lot on a dime, with little notice. Much less a DANG BLINKING SIGNAL.

It's a known fact that I am not allowed to possess any sharp objects during this time. No scissors, knives, forks, or bobby pins. Or cans of hairspray. There is a permanent dent on my bathroom door where I hurled a can in anger one morning. 

If I didn't have to go to work, there are those who would say, I shouldn't even be allowed into public. I know I cannot be the only one who feels as if they have actual water standing on their brain during this time. Sloshing around, clouding my judgement, making it hard to add 2 + 2 and not get 5. Throwing my balance off, making me feel as if my feet and legs belong to a newborn colt. 

And lastly, the times it not only makes me mean as hell, but seems to bring on the waterworks with it. I cry. At everything. Because the sun is shining too bright. Because I only have one blue sock when I need two. Because I forgot to make the coffee the night before. Because you used a 'tone' with me when I asked what you wanted for supper. Or simply because I should have got gas two days prior, but I pushed it to the limit and now, it's on empty, it's pouring down rain, and I got up fifteen minutes late. 

As I said earlier, it hasn't happened yet. As I get older, this has become more common. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it doesn't. But I always know, it's still lurking around. Threatening to change my mood, my outlook on life, and take over my otherwise sugar sweet personality and turn me into a scary monster woman.  There are no chains, no straps, or duct tap that can contain this girl when she starts her ascent into crazy land. Just hang on tight, and wait for it to pass, or ..RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment