Tuesday, October 2, 2012

You Can't Beat Me....Yet (wink wink)

I must be one of the most predictable people in the world. Surely, everyone that knows me does not already have me figured out. There is just no way, that I am an open book and you don't even have to turn the page to know the rest of my story. Is my plot really that wide open? Have I finally reached that time in my life when I have no surprises left? It surely seems that way sometimes. Just when I think I have the upper hand lately, somebody goes and pulls the rug out from under me. And there I stand, with the joke, all on me.

As I am on my way to the restroom at work yesterday, I round the corner and see this very hot, very sleek, woman. Just standing there, staring at me. Almost daring me to rebuke her sexiness. Her right to stand there. I stopped dead in my tracks and just stood there and stared at her. I quietly let my thoughts process what I was looking at, but I knew, who was at the root of this grand design of humor.  She cannot ruffle me. She can not intimidate me. Hot Mama or not.  She has to go.

I stepped firmly into the doorway, reached over, and snatched her up and carried her straight into the Engineering Dept. The very department whom I know is responsible for having her stand right where they knew I would see her. Right where they knew I couldn't miss her if I tried. No matter how quiet she was, I would know, she was there.

Once I reached my destination, where I knew everyone could see me and hear me, I put her back down. I placed my hands on top of her shoulders, peered around her head, and asked them all, as they stared back at me, just whose bright idea was it to put this half naked, skinny behind woman right in my line of sight before I entered the restroom. I told them all no fat behind woman likes to see the sight of anything as the likes of her right before they go in to take care of their business.

The entire room HOWLED with laughter.  Including myself. They were all talking at once, saying they wondered just how long it would be before I found her. Before I saw her. Before I exploded over the sight of her so obvious prettiness. They said they wondered how long she would have to stand there before I knew. Before I would make the very same grand entrance with her practically thrown over my shoulder, as I had just done.  For two hours, several of the females were pacing, waiting for me to make my entrance, knowing I would eat those guys alive!

So this is the day that I knew. This is the day that I realize I am no longer a secret to be held. I am no longer a closed box whose contents are a mystery. I am simply an old lady who still isn't comfortable enough with herself, or her age, to want to look at such obvious beauty before I enter a closed up room with a mirror that is far too honest. But I am also the old lady that has been around the block a lot more than most of those young whipper snappers I work with every day...and I would get them back..all of them.

But I just want you to know, Princess Leia, that you cannot intimidate me. I'll admit, you almost had me. You and all your "friends" almost took me down. But I'm strong. I will not accept defeat. I will not stop until I have figured out how to win the battle. That is exactly why, for the rest of the afternoon, I plopped your sexy behind right where you belong. In the mens' bathroom, right next to the urinal. And I laughed and laughed for the rest of the day, wondering just how many of those men were too shy to pull their pants down and take care of their OWN business. Cardboard cut out or not...I know they thought twice every time they went to touch their zippers as you stared them down.  GOTCHA!

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