The Sanity of Cyber-Shopping

So have you all done all your Christmas shopping yet? Have you been pushed, trampled and pinched-up in corners? Have your toes been crushed, rib cages elbowed, and your heels permanently dented from over-aggressive cart-pushers? Did you tussle at the undergarment table for the last reindeer antlers thong?  Or tie-up with a mom who looks like she’s ready to duke it out over the last Warriors from Hell XBOX game left on the shelf?

Let me tell you folks something, you don’t know just how close you can come to personal injury of another human being until you have a child and you’re Christmas shopping. Every single solitary year there is a new “end all to be all” doll, toy, or game that everybody in the ENTIRE universe is trying to purchase for their child. He/she has seen it advertised, everybody is talking about, everybody else is going to get one, “they just know it”; and by golly, it is your job to find it! Well, actually its Santa’s job, but we all know Mama’s and Daddy’s are assigned Santa’s dirty detail work. If we want him to deliver all those goodies on time, WE have to find them for him. He has the easy job; he simply waltzes in, delivers the goods and he’s the hero of the night!

But it is US, the parents, who have to risk life and limb, stand in line for 3 hours, only to have just one game left by the time it’s almost your turn. It’s down to you and the lady in front of you who looks sleep deprived and angry, and you’re trying to size her up as to whether or not you can take her down in a moment of weakness, put her in a head lock, and grab that game and RUN!

But you don’t because we are a civilized people aren’t we? Well, let me be honest and say, I thought I was until one of those years, and one of those had to have items, and there were not but two left IN THE WORLD. I was standing in Toys R Us, the place where all evil is born on such shopping days, and it was down to me and one other lady. The employee said there was two left, he went to the back to get them for us. By the time he got back there were three of us (crazy Mama’s) standing there, and he only had two games. Needless to say it got a little cray-cray, my husband looked like he was considering running himself and leaving me there, but I didn’t back down. The third woman said she had called and they were supposed to have one on hold for her. I politely told her, since the terrified clerk couldn’t speak, that there is no such thing as “on hold” at Christmas; its retail war baby and you’re running a little late.

I cyber-shop now, but I’ll reserve some bail money in case the rest of you don’t make it out alive!