Sunday, November 15, 2015

Women Lessons 101

To all you gentlemen who are reading this; there will be no need for your blood pressure to rise, or becoming  indignant and denying what I’m about to discuss, because it won’t even matter. WE know - ALL women know about all of these things.

Sometimes we (women) blame it on the moon, sometimes we blame it on your jobs and the stress, but mostly, we just blame it on how men were made. Meaning, you just can’t help it that you were born missing a sensitivity gene. You can’t help that you’re unable to select a greeting card without it somehow involving a fart, albeit beautifully and intricately worked into the scenario, it’s still a fart joke and inappropriate for your wife.

Or that you cannot select a gift on your own to save your soul unless it’s circled on a sheet of an advertisement page with a big black marker, or ordered by your significant other – FROM YOU / FOR HERSELF – to make sure she got exactly what she asked for – instead of whatever you saw after you looked for five minutes in the front part of the store and made a horrible / wrong command decision on your own.

That missing sensitivity gene also means you don’t see the warning signs of imminent danger when you walk into the house without the loaf of bread that she asked you to pick-up on your way home, not once but with three different reminders and a text.  Nor do you notice the flames in the whites of her eyes when the first sentence out of your mouth is “what’s for supper?” when you didn’t do your job in bringing part of it home.

But I’m not sure it’s just a missing sensitivity gene - because it’s GOT to be more than just that to cause these things to happen:

A.      Forgotten or seemingly not the most important thing in the world – YOUR wedding anniversary and HER birthday.

B.      Cards that although they were bought and given, look as if they were the last one to choose from and P.S. – she is not your Aunt nor is she Hispanic – as she must be to even read the card, because she didn’t take Spanish in high school, even though she has cursed herself for that many times over by now.

C.      When she is obviously either mad or has been crying – and although these are things that       you would like to avoid like the plague – ignoring them will cause you to believe YOU now   have the plague, because she will have nothing to do with you until it blows over. Could be weeks, don’t push it.

Being a woman is tough job. We are your wives, but we’re also mothers, cleaners /cooks / wash women and mediators for both you and our children. We love you, but we’re tired. We need your strength and your safety, but mostly we just need you to pay attention to something besides your miles to the gallon, sitting in a tree stand, and the Nascar standings.  

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