Love Hard, Love Always

A friend of a friend's mother was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. My friend asked if she could share my experience with her friend.

Of course I said yes, but it would only be my side - from the outside looking in. It was one of the top five most horrible days of my life when I realized what was really happening. The sense of loss is staggering, and a little unreasonable, given that they are still here.

If any part of my story helps someone else cope, deal or figure out what they're witnessing - you are always more than welcome.

It's heartbreaking - no doubt. At first you feel like they're already gone. But you learn fast, that while so much of them is still here, learn to love what you have, whatever it happens to be that day, because it will be different all the time. It is for me - even now.

If I spent too much time crying or being sad, I'd miss the the days that are still good ones. But that doesn't mean, after a days visit, even a good one, that I don't feel sorry for myself and for him, and cry on the way back home. And that's alright - because it's a sad, horrible situation.

It's hard not grieve like they're already gone - but hopefully you figure out that they are still here, it doesn't help - and you just have to figure out a way in.

I'm okay now - but the day my Daddy doesn't know me, well, that will become another "worst day of my life".

The biggest truth I can offer is how many times you will find a new "okay". You'll get past the shock of a horrible new thing, and sadly, it will become familiar, and you'll be okay until the next "new" horrible thing comes along.

The other biggest thing is to pray those times come far apart. Love them as hard as you can while you still have them, while they still know you, and especially after they don't. It's my understanding that they can become scared of you - their wife, their daughter, or their son - once they no longer know who you are. That makes me the most sad I think - that my daddy would ever be scared of me. Love hard, love always.