Wednesday, July 13, 2011

And Love Makes Us The Same

The problem is, he thinks he's just like everybody else. He puts his pants on, one leg at a time. He eats with a fork and a spoon. He gets mad. He cries. He dislikes. He loves. He's brilliant smart. Lacking a bit in common sense. He's beautiful in clothes and in spirit.

So why is it, everyone always wants to single him out. Separate him from the masses. Make him different from the rest of us. Does he have horns on his head? Does he squeak when he walks?

Once upon a time, even his own mother was surprised. Even his own mother, could not help but be selfish. Even his own mother could not help but be wistful for what could have been. Such a handsome young man. What beautiful babies he would have brought into this world. Surely, what a beautiful girl would have fell in love with him.

And yet, here he is. Still struggling to live. Still struggling to fall in love, with the love of his life.  Hold hands in public, without reprisals or worse, danger. Shop for groceries without sneers. Walk to his car in the parking lot, after dark, without having to firmly hold his finger on the alarm button to his vehicle.  Ready to press, should evil come. Walk to his car on campus, without making a call, so he has someone to talk to, someone who will hear, and call for help, should evil come. Here he is, ever aware of the dangers, most of us, never let cross our minds. 

And struggling to find, a mate, who was raised to believe in freedom. Freedom to be who you are, no matter who that may be. Freedom to love who it is most natural for you to love, without anger, or silent disapproval. Or worse, open and honest disapproval. Hurtful words and hateful thoughts. From your own family. None of which should be natural.

His own mother said to him today, please be patient with your love. Please be patient with the person who you choose to share that love with. For everyone is not as fortunate as you. Everyone was not fortunate enough to be raised and surrounded by a family, that will love you always. No matter what. His mother thinks she is delivering words of kindness and wisdom. How very foolish his own mother turned out to be.

He retorts, with loud indignation, and justly so, "WHY?! Why should I be considered 'fortunate' to receive and have what I deserve. What I deserve as a human being? WHY?! Why should that be considered 'fortunate' for me?" He goes on to say, "If I allow people to believe I am different, but that they should see me as the same and accept me, then I am enabling their behavior. I am enabling them to treat me less than I deserve, and if I get extra, or am accepted, then I should be grateful?!"

How right he was. How ashamed was his own mother. How dare his own mother ever say, to him again, that he should feel fortunate or grateful. How dare she not know, that in that one statement, she became everyone else. Making exceptions for a man, when there are no exceptions to be made. He is a man who loves another man. With all of his heart. And his mother accepts that and loves him no less than ever before. But it's time for his own mother to understand, that her son is no more fortunate to have his family love him than any other son or daughter. That is how it should be. No questions asked. No exceptions to the rule.

That mother cried today. For something that started out as a mother trying to help, trying to teach her son patience and forgiveness for ignorance, learned that she too, could be cured from ignorance. No matter how innocent her own ignorance may have been.

My number one prayer for a very long time, has been, that my son, could marry the love of his life, in a ceremony just like everyone else, if he so chooses. Not some place five states away, because it's now legal. But wherever his heart chooses. And that I, as his mother, am able to give him away. Because he is ready to fly now. I suppose he has been ready to fly for quite some time. When you are teaching your mother a thing or two about life, it is obvious, you are ready to live your own. Safely. Freely. And happily, ever after.

copyright © 2011 Michelle Mount Mims


  1. He is so right. I hate that our society has taught us to sort. We sort people into categories of financial status, marital status, sexual orientation, profession, educational level, religious denomination and a myriad other things that have nothing at all to do with our humanity. But who came up with those and set the "norms" and why can't humans just be and let each other be?

  2. Thank you Holle. This is such a hard thing to know how to deal with sometimes. But as he said yesterday, so what, what is to deal with. Just let me be. My two boys are everything to me, and I hope they always know that.