Sunday, February 5, 2012

A Different Spin on True Love

Do you believe that our lives are pre-destined? Do you believe our whole lives, from beginning to end are already planned out for us? Do you believe that there is a master plan for us all?

As I sat on the front porch swing with my youngest son, I listened as he asked me those questions. Somewhere between one girlfriend breaking up with him and him finding another and that relationship ending as well, he decided he believed. He decided he needed to believe that there were reasons for the awful things happening to him. He has always believed, as have I, that everything happens for a reason. Therefore, he simply says, he made a direct correlation from one thought process to another.

He said that he decided, that if it were indeed true, that our destiny is decided, that he wasn't going to fight it anymore. Wasn't going to worry about it. And certainly, wasn't going to get all caught up in the if's, why's and why not's of relationships and why they do or do not work. He said he was never going to allow that kind of crazy pain to take him over again. Like he had fallen into a black hole and couldn't climb out. That if it was meant to be, then it would be.

He said he sure wasn't going to worry about all of that right now. He had too much to do. And if his time ran out, and he didn't get to do it all, then so be it. Because whether he leaves this world at 52 years old or ninety, it's not his decision. He can live right, eat right, and be healthy, but when it's time to go, it's time to go. And he needs to get as much done as he can, every day, since he never knows when that will be.

He went on to say, that he was even applying this new life theory of his to his schoolwork. He said, last school year and some of the years prior, he spent most of his time fighting the system. Said he knew the work, didn't really see some of the relevance in doing it and or in proving himself. But this school year, after his summer revelation, he decided, why fight it? I know the work, I understand the work, and I'm good at it. Why not just do it? Keeps my grades up, my folks off my back and I need to see the bigger picture. I need to do what it takes to get into college, paid for by scholarship preferably, and it takes little to no effort for me. I know this about myself he said. I know I'm smart and capable. I was given a gift and I need to use it.

Then he came back to me. As if he had just realized that I was still sitting next to him, he said, do you see what I'm saying, do you believe that? I said well, my first answer is, I'm not sure. I don't think He would have agreed with some of the choices I have made, meaning, they would not have been His plan for me.  Zach said, but it is, because it was never His plan to make all your decisions, but to guide you through life, under his master plan. He said you always say, no matter what, without our real dad, you wouldn't have us. And without WD, you wouldn't be happy and have love. He said, and I know, that without my real Dad I wouldn't be here, and without WD I wouldn't be the man I am today. And because of you, I have both.

He wound up his part of the conversation by asking me didn't I see what he was saying? That by not fighting the system, the system that has already been set in place, it makes his life so much easier. Worry free, and uncomplicated. If he has a girlfriend, fine. If not, fine. He's not chasing, begging, playing games, or inviting the drama. He doesn't have to, because don't you see, if you belong to him, belong with him anyway, you just will. One day.  That he should be trusted because he's trust worthy. If he tells you something, that's the way it is, and if you care about him, you would do the same.

Where was a kid like that when I was in high school and dating? Where was the guy who didn't fold with the system, succumb to his peers, and made up his own mind about what/who was worthy of his time and heart. Where was the guy who could exist on his own, without a female to make him feel complete? And more than that, where were the females who didn't need a male to make them complete?

If you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife this Valentine's Day, then that's wonderful. But even if you do, I'd like all of us, single or taken, to make a conscious effort to just be comfortable with ourselves. Just love yourself. Spend some time with yourself. Apply some worry free philosophy to your lives. There is no way we can ever be truly happy with anyone else, until we are satisfied with ourselves. And as Zach says, "Just do your thing, to the best of your ability, and let life and the world rock on around you".

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