Saturday, December 14, 2013

Coupons and Combat Boots

Why do people do it? Risk life and limb; sitting in the freezing cold, sometimes pouring rain; waiting. I guess I understand the basic need for it. But I am too old and too slow to survive it anymore. The likes of it can be compared to a stampede of bulls being set loose. Or being in the wrong place at the wrong time when the guy at a Nascar race bellows out “Drivers, START YOUR ENGINES”.

It’s called BLACK FRIDAY for a reason folks. The very thought of leaving my nice, warm home at 2am to stand in some line, somewhere, waiting to charge inside a building that’s having the biggest sales of the century, and shop til I drop, into the next day, absolutely wreaks of danger, and mass destruction.

First of all, I NEED MY SLEEP.  I need at LEAST nine hours to function as a human being. So to think it would be a good idea to let me loose into a frenzy of people with little to not near enough sleep, is like signing someone’s death warrant up front. There are two optimal experiences that will cause me to put my hands around a common stranger’s neck; when I am hungry, or I have not had enough sleep. I lose all sense of reason and ability to think straight. And if you push me or step on my heels I am likely to lose all ability to behave with any manners whatsoever; whether you’re a little old lady with blue hair or not.

My husband and I did most of our Christmas shopping this past Friday; after the weekend of Black Friday. He didn’t want to go; at all. But I explained to him that his suffering would be minor compared to the amount of bail money that might have be required should I be left to survive the day on my own. My husband’s job was to tote all the bags, say yes and no at all the appropriate times, and to not disagree; about anything.

Surprisingly enough, the stores were not very crowded and not once did I even come close to having to “throat chop” anybody. I will say the customer service lacked a little to be desired at some places, but I figured after the weekend all those folks just had; God Bless them all if they were still able to possess walking around sense. Can you imagine working in retail on the morning of Black Friday when they open those doors? Standing on the other side of those windows; us shoppers must resemble packs of rabid animals, snarling, grunting, and growling; ready to devour anyone that gets in our way of saving a dollar. I’ll bet those poor employees have nightmares for days. 

When it’s over and we’re complaining about our aching feet and wore out legs; the story I’d like to hear is the one the employees who make it through it all, tell when THEY get home.

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