I Guess It Really Just Is..What It Is...

When you're the only one who knows it, does it matter? When you're the only one who feels it, does it matter? When you're the only one who reads it, does it matter?

I'm not really sure. I'm still trying to decide. Trying to decide whether writing this blog really means anything or not. Rarely are there comments on the blog itself. I have no idea who is reading it. Or more importantly, who is not. I put all of my heart into these words. Into these thoughts. Into what I decide to share. Or not share. My thought process with every story, is that I hope they help someone. Hope someone can see themselves in my words. My stories.

I sent my work to several newspapers, hoping to get a slot of commentary space. That didn't happen. It was disappointing to say the least. But my goodness, how many real writers get turned down a day? How many brilliant writers put their heart and soul into their work, only to be rejected with a letter that is as impersonal as a door knob.  I am an amateur at best. So, feeling sorry for myself, I'm not. I'm just trying to decide, if I am the only one I'm writing for ..the only one who is listening.

I have received some beautiful comments and personal private testimony from several people. And I have to admit, they are what continue to drive me. Continue to make me want to share my life experiences and thoughts with all of you. So I do know that all is not in vain. Someone reads. Sometimes.

My friend Debbie also writes a blog. One that I enjoy very much. She made a comment the other day, that she wondered if any one were reading hers, and that she hoped they were. Well, that's where I am. Because I can think these thoughts to myself. They don't have to go down in internet history. Sometimes it feels kind of like watching a funny movie all by yourself. With no one to look over at and laugh with...or to see if they think it's as funny as you did.

I can keep writing forever. It does me good some days. Also, I'm saving these for my kids. I think they read every now and again. Zach, because he's right here and I say "Hey read this".  Josh, because he comments verbally every now and again. If I ask him. Never has he commented in words on the blog itself. I used to send the link to my parents. On stories I thought they would like, or find particularly funny or enjoyable.  The last couple of times, I got no response. I have no idea if they read them or not. Makes me kind of wonder, if I wrote a book, and it got published..would they even buy it?

And lastly, I'm not trying to steal anyone's thunder. My son Joshua is a brilliant wordsmith. I could never compare to anything he has ever wrote or any thought that has ever gone through his mind.  I started this for me. At a time when I needed something for myself. Another place to put my crazy thoughts, crazy stories and wonderful memories. I enjoy laughing at myself. I'm human and you'd better believe I know it.

So, I'll write until I stop. Whatever that means. And Debbie, you write until you don't feel like it too. I'll keep reading your blog. Keep enjoying your stories, your recipes and book critiques. If nothing else, I'm pretty damn proud of us. Proud that we had the guts to put ourselves out there. That we had the courage to put all of our deepest and personal thoughts and dreams out there for everyone to see. So go Me. And go You. Write on girlfriend..write on.

copyright © 2011 Michelle Mount Mims