Sunday, May 8, 2011

Love Ain't All Sunshine And Roses

I tried to think this morning, tried to remember, a time when my mother and I discussed my crushes. Or my boyfriends. Or my heart aches. Later in high school, she knew I dated. Of course. But she never saw me cry. We never discussed anyone who had the power to make me cry. I'm not really sure what the difference was..maybe the times. Maybe me. Maybe my mother.

I am very involved in my children's lives. And I do believe it's more a sign of the times. Life seems so much more dangerous now. Much more tempestuous and full of trepidation. I want to know who they care about. Who makes their hearts flutter. Who they think is special. And who they think is the most wonderful person they know. I like knowing who can make them laugh with abandon and cry with no shame.

At the same time, I will have to know who breaks their hearts and who takes some of their innocence as they turn and walk away. And I will sit with them. Quietly. On the swing as it goes back and forth. With no other sound than the creak of the chains that need oil. Sitting together in the dark, gliding back and forth. The night dew carrying the smell of Jasmine up to the porch. Where we sit. One of us on one side of the glider, one on the other. Words rambling in my child's head, and in mine. No sound coming out.

I wish I could make it all better. I wish I could erase their pain. And I wish life didn't have to hurt. I wish I could spare them the hurt of the learning experiences that go with first loves, second loves and their last loves. But that just kind of goes with it. With growing up. With all the laughter and fun, you are sure to get some sadness and tears.

My boys are the product of divorce. They have always lived primarily with me. And I have always tried to make sure they showed respect to their father by birth. I knew there were times they were not happy with him and his choices. There have been times, they did not think they owed him anything, including respect. But I have always told them both, without him, without their father, I would have never have had them. That I too, have felt and thought many negative things over the years, but that one thing, always keeps me and my feelings in check.

I think relationships work the same way. No matter that they may end. No matter that the end may not be your choice. Or that the end may not please either of you. At some point, both people felt something for one another. And for that reason alone, to walk away respecting each other and each others feelings is the least you can do. To remember why you felt the way you did to begin with....may help ease the pain when one of you, or both of you,  no longer does. Sixteen or sixty, love can sure feel good and love can sure feel bad.

So I ride the wave of pain with my children the best I can.  Sometimes it lasts a while. But I know, that the day they walk in the house after school, and are smiling and busting with news of one kind or another, that the pain must finally be easing. When they're ready to sit in the swing, in the dark, and talk again. The silence is gone. The heart is healing. And we wait. Together. For the next wave. To come through.

copyright © 2011 Michelle Mount Mims


  1. Thanks's been a sad weekend. But he'll be alright. He's a strong young man...and lets' his inner energy heal his heart. He keeps moving...until it doesn't hurt when he slows down.

  2. Michelle; someone very special to me asked me yesterday,"why did God wait so long to give you to me?" I simply replied we had to grow and learn before we would know how special we were to each other. Oh and God is just way smarter than we are." The one thing I have grown to learn over my years is that without pain we couldn't learn forgivness. So sometimes no matter how bad it hurts we realize that somehow through all of it we turn out to be better people. We always have a choice; one of those other confusing gifts God gave us; freewill! I have no doubt that you have 2 very upstanding good hearted sons; who through the pain will grow. And one day realize that the pain put them in the right places afterall. :-)

  3. Frances, that is absolutely beautiful, and I couldn't have said it any better if I tried. Love you.

    Zach as an unbelievable inner strength that will get him thru this. I just hate, the first girl, he ever truly loved, was unable to feel the same way. He says, no matter how he feels, he shouldn't have to beg for someone to feel the same, and he is right. When he loves, he loves hard, and sometimes silent. Some special someone will understand that about him one day. And know that his silence is not him is him being satisfied.

  4. Such wise words Michelle :) I'm sorry Zach was hurting...young heartbreak is tough on a young heart!