And The Holidays Are Here....Again

I have had quite the melancholy day. The holidays tend to do that to me. And as much as I looked forward to having the time off from work, today has left me so listless. And with definitely, too much time to think.

I didn't sleep late. I got up to see both Zach off to school and Mims off to South Carolina. I skulked around on Face Book for an hour or so. My eyes were feeling droopy, so I went and laid back down. I got back up about an hour later. Made some coffee, opened my lap top, and picked back up where I left off.

I had been skulking around on Face Book again for about ten minutes, when my friend Kim came by the house. She stayed for about an hour, we talked, fussed and laughed and then she left. She was headed to the grocery store.

I settled back down. It was now after noon and I had still had no shower and was sitting around in my bed clothes. With no make up on. Which, by the way, is how Kim found me. I told her if word got out about how horrible I looked, I would know.  I piddled around, took out the trash and cleaned my kitchen counter tops. They tend to become the dumping spot for everything no one wants to walk the distance required to put it in it's place.

I kept walking by one of the mirrors on my dining room wall during all of this scuttling around. Each time, catching a glimpse of myself. Not too flattering to say the least. After a few minutes of that, I firmly made a decision to take a shower and get cleaned up. Fix that ratty mess of hair on my head and put some make up on this face of mine. The one that requires make up.

So now I am dressed and ready to go. Somewhere, anywhere, but where oh where would that be? I wasn't in the mood to go alone. Everyone else was at work, or school. So I sat back down, picked up the lap top, and fell into the bowels of the Internet one more time.

Finally Zach comes home. But not for long. He's off to the mine hole with his buddies. To go fishing. I get ten minutes of company and then he's off. Truck is pulling out of the drive way, and I am alone again.

I gotta tell you all, I'm not gonna be good at this alone stuff when or if it really happens for good. I mean a day or so here and there, I can rumble around and wallow in my own boredom and self pity. But much more than that, and someone will have to come pull me out. I'm not rich, so roaming for hours on end and spending money to blow time is not an option.

But today, in particular, with my husband headed home to spend time with his family, me, sitting here staring at a Christmas tree filled with memories all day long, and no one here to talk to but myself...not good. My mind flopped around back and forth between all of my grandparents who are no longer in this world. My eyes lit on the crystal angel ornament on my Christmas tree about fifty times. I saw an old empty cigar box in our washroom and memory smells from my PaPa came flooding back. My eyes filled with tears several different times.

I'm ready to see Joshua. I'm ready to see Joshua and Zach together. Ready for a hold tight hug from my oldest son. Ready to hear them laughing at me, cracking on me, telling old, unflattering stories about me, stories that have been told so many times, it's like a script we all can follow and recite. And finally, telling me they love me, and telling me peace out and good night.

I'm ready for some good food and family love. I'm ready to feel that old familiar comfort that comes from being surrounded by those you love the most. Like a freshly washed and out of the dryer blanket, wrapped around your body. I'm ready to ask, can I get you something else, some more tea and who would like some dessert? I'm ready to stand in the kitchen and listen to arguing about who has to clean what, and who gets stuck with the nasty dressing pan. Who's going to take out the garbage, because Josh thinks he's company now, and Zach assures him, he will NEVER be company and to take out the garbage.

Then I'm ready to sit around with full tummies and watch them all, one by one, find a place to land, nod off in their respective seats and swear they're just resting their eyes. I'm ready for everything that comes with my family. The jabs, the laughter, the unconditional love and acceptance.

Hopefully tomorrow, I'll be too busy getting ready to have the mullygrubs. And too busy to write. So I am wishing everybody a Happy Thanksgiving.  If you are traveling, please be safe, get to where you are going, and take no chances.  And most of all, love your family, they are how you got here. They will see you through until the end. Because that's what family's do.

And to my Bonus Family in South Carolina, take good care of Kornbread Sr for me....I sure do love that man we all share. Love you all too.

copyright © 2011 Michelle Mount Mims