Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Blood Of My Blood
I have his temper, his anxiousness, his anger, his cynicism, his short-sightedness, and his impatience. But I also have his drive, his honesty, his loyalty, his compassion, his integrity, his heart and his love and protection of family. I am proud of where I come from, and how I was made. And I have learned over the years, to deliver the parts that are natural for me, and work on the parts that are not pleasurable for others. I'd like to say, for the most part, I have succeeded. But there are days like today, and many other days, that I am reminded, I still have a lot of work to do. A lot of work on my inner self.
I have two children. Two sons. One son is named Zachary and one son is named Joshua. My replica, my other half, the end to my beginning, is Joshua. And more times than not, it is my replica who is so aptly able to point out my shortcomings. Not that Zachary does not recognize them as well, but Joshua seems to know them by heart. Almost as if they are his own. Wink, wink.
Two weekends ago, we were having our usual, Sunday afternoon phone conversation. We talk all through the week, but seldom have time for more than quick hello's, how are you's, pertinent information, and I'll talk to you later's. Sunday's are our catch up days.
I had begun the conversation by telling him about Zach's prom, and that Zach was probably not going this year. I rambled on about how next year would be his Junior year, and the parents and Junior students always decorate for the Prom. I was telling him, that I would probably take a vacation day, and how exciting that was going to be, that I couldn't wait to help! Couldn't wait to be a volunteer!
When I realized I was getting no conversation interaction, I stopped and asked him was he listening. He laughed, and I said "What, what are you laughing at..do you not think I will have a good time doing that?" He said, "Do I really have to tell you that?...Is that a question or a statement? ... Do YOU think you'll have a good time?" ...as he is laughing his behind off after each question he fires off at me. I begin to tell him.... Yes, yes I think I'll have a good time decorating. They string lights, hang up decorations...and... before I can say another word...he begins.
" YOU string lights, the woman who cannot string lights on a Christmas Tree without saying every curse word known to man...the woman who has Silent Night playing in the background, while she is looking for something/anything to throw at whoever is not helping the way you say help. And you say "hanging up decorations"...you, the woman who is on the ladder..hollering..keep the #&(#@ thing still..keep the (*#@ thing still...two rungs up from the bottom. The only reason you even remotely try and keep your behavior in check, is because you want the people who love you to still allow you to sleep in the house when it's over. You're not seriously asking me what I think are you? Because I'll tell you what I think...you just need to be the Water Girl. The "Go Fetch It Girl". You don't need to be anywhere near a hammer and nails, strings of lights, or ladders. No where. Do you want Zach to be able to continue attending school there????!!!! Do you want him to have any friends left?? Do you WANT people to know how cracked out crazy you really are??? For the love of all that is good...DON'T VOLUNTEER."
He's out of breath. And he's finished. Now you all probably thought that made me angry, or hurt my feelings. Let me tell you, I was laughing my ever lovin' behind off. I could not BREATHE I was laughing so hard. Because I knew, every single word he said was true. Know thy self.
I decided many, many years ago to have an open house. A house where anything can be discussed. Folks, this is what you get when you make that decision. You get children, who know you better then yourself, and don't mind telling you about it.
Know Thy Self. If you are capable of doing that one thing, then it won't be such a shock to the system, when your children decide to "out you".... to yourself.