Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Blood Love...Hero Number Three
That's not what I was going to talk about today. But I swear to you, I could not have gone any further until I got that off my chest. Or my face, as it were. I feel a little bit better now. And I thank you for your patience.
I got divorced in 1997. My marriage had deteriorated over a long period of time. As many do. Large, continuing tidal waves, of good/bad/better/worse. By the time it was all said and done..I was done. He was done. I was so ready to be happy again I was looking for it everywhere. Anywhere. And you know, when you are willing to do just about anything to be happy. You do. Anything to be happy. I dated a man who was absolutely no good for me. And let me tell you people. Food, drugs and alcohol are not the only things that are addictive. I was truly addicted to this man. And that my friends, is not healthy. By the time I realized what a mess I was in, it was almost too late.
I tried my best to get out of it. I put myself out there. Tried to date other men. Get out there and meet other people to date. No one, not one of them, could hold my attention. And right back into dangers door I would go. Into the lions den. I was never in danger of being physically hurt. Just lost. In danger of losing myself, from trying to find myself.
In June 1998, I had the opportunity to transfer with my job to Quincy Florida. That July I moved. I took that opportunity like a thief in the night. I stole my way back into sanity. Or so I thought. I had been here exactly one month, before I was allowing that same man back into my life again. I was allowing him to drive all the way here, to see me. The weekends my kids were with their father, he was here. Spending the whole weekend with me. I knew how foolish I was. I knew I had done nothing but make a deal with the devil. I just could not help it. I truly thought I loved that man.
November 1998 a man that I worked with asked for my phone number. I thought to myself...dating people you work with is never good. Where do you go when it goes wrong? Where do you hide? But he was a persistent fellow. Finally, against my better judgment, I gave in. I gave him my phone number. Well, I say I gave him my phone number. He said I gave him a fake one. To blow him off. The first night he tried to call me, he ended up talking to an 80 year old black woman. Who before they hung up, told him he was welcome to call her back. Anytime. The next day at work, he came up to me, and asked me why I would do that? I had NO idea what he was talking about. And when he told me, I laughed my behind off. And this time, when I gave him the number I wrote it down. Because the day before, HE wrote it down. We were in the shop. So he took the pen out of his pocket and wrote it on the palm of his hand. I have always maintained it smeared somewhere in between when he wrote it and when he called the 80 year old woman. Who said he could call her back. Anytime.
We had our first date the 12th of December 1998. The company Christmas party. Which was a hoot. I keep my private life separate. No one has a clue. So for us to walk in together caused quite a stir. To this day, half of the people we work with, do not know we are even married. The old timers do, just because of social functions and work functions. But sometimes the newcomers that come to work in January, won't know until the next Christmas, at our company Christmas party.
We had a rough couple of years. Trying to work out the kinks of middle aged people, trying to "date" again. There were some days I thought we would not make it. For about 4 months into the 2nd year, we did not see one another. But as always, he worked his way back into my heart. My boys have loved him since day one. He has been such a wonderful man for my kids to follow. To follow his examples of good behavior. Of acting like a man. Respectful behavior. And he has made me a better person. Of that I am convinced. It's nice not having to be the "everything" all the time. Because that's exactly what I was for my whole first marriage. Everything. Mama and Daddy. And I've told you before, I'm a fit pitcher. Well, Mims is not up for all that crazy. All that drama. So that behavior has thinned out as well. I have heard him raise his voice twice. Twice in thirteen years.He cannot say the same for me. But I'm working on it. I'm a project of a work in progress.
When Zach and I moved in with Mims, we had not married yet. We moved in his house, January of 2005. I just wasn't sure yet. About another marriage. I had been by myself since 1997. I mean I had Mims, but I still lived alone. With my kids. He would stay on weekends. And a night or two through the week. But at the end of it all, I would stand on the front porch and wave good bye as he drove off. And I have to say, I liked it that way. I liked my privacy and the little bit of independence I still had. I was mentally smothered for so long, I liked being just me. But I knew something was missing. Some days I knew and I began to yearn for it. I thought, lets try this living together thing. And just see. See if I like it.
I have to tell you the first six months I thought I had made the biggest mistake. We were together ALL THE TIME. I didn't see him much at work..rarely as a matter of fact. And we never go to lunch together. That's too much. But I was here. Every night. No longer, waving good bye from the front porch. No longer going to MY bedroom, picking up and book and getting lost in myself. There was someone following me. Every night.
But more time passed and I could find myself slipping into marriage again. But different. A good marriage this time. A wonderful, dedicated, joined in hearts, marriage. Mims and I were married July 2, 2006. We didn't do anything fancy. Right here in our house. No one but immediate family and a couple of friends present. We didn't go anywhere on a honeymoon. A trip would come later. But that night, when we laid down to go to sleep. It was quiet. Not a sound in the room. We were holding hands, and Mims said just as quietly as if he weren't speaking at all. I had to strain to hear. He said, "I want you to know, I'm gonna make you and those boys a good man. You won't regret this, I promise." Silent tears rolled down my face. And I didn't say a word, I just squeezed his hand and never said a word.
I know Mims was the third person to save my life. He saved me from myself. He kept my attention long enough, just long enough for me to know, there was something else out there for me. Someone else for me. Who I deserved and who deserved me. There is not a night, that does not begin with a good night kiss, a hug, and an I love you. And holding hands until we fall asleep. So many nights, we will wake back up, and realize we have let go. And grapple again under the covers, for the hand we lost during the night. We take hold again and peace washes over. Real love is grand. If you are lucky enough to find it. It took me a long time. Finding the real deal doesn't come as easy for some as it does others. I wish that luck..to all.