Tuesday, February 1, 2011
At 4:46pm, I sent my son Zach a text message. Asking him was he alright. He answered back, yes. I knew he was on the school bus, headed to Popular Springs, Florida for their last regular season basketball game.
I sure hope if I get any comments on this post tonight, they will be comments of understanding and agreement. Because these things happen to me quite often. I'd like to believe I'm not crazy.
I do it to Joshua as well. I have called him at 1am in the morning. Because I knew his prior plans included going out with his friends. And I knew, a lot of times, they will walk home from the local pubs there. For all the obvious reasons. I will wake up out of a dead sleep, and know, there will be no going back to sleep until I call. Until I hear his voice, and I know, he is alright.
If you have read my Butterfly Trilogy, then you already know I have "feelings". I have dreams. I "know" things. I have been called a Gypsy many times in my life. My girl friends have told me "get a booth, stand in it, make you some money". But it doesn't work that way, and all my "feelings" are not accurate. Thank God.
I've had dreams about my parents and had to call them. First thing. The very next morning. I do not, however, call them in the middle of the night. They would not appreciate it. I give them the courtesy of waiting until daybreak to call. They are used to me. My children, unfortunately, have to deal with it.
I've already told you all that I have had dreams that have stuck with me for years. One in particular, I have been trying to analyze for years. You can tell me what you think. What it means.
Joshua and I had been to see the movie Titanic earlier that day. And I will say this right now, that was THE most depressing movie I have ever seen in my life. Well, other than The Lovely Bones. Which was horrible. The Titanic was not beautiful, it was not about true love. It was about selfish, awful, self-centered people and how they behave when tragedy strikes. When human nature takes over and it's every man for himself. Anyway, when we came out of that theater, I was so glad to see daylight and sunshine. I was depressed and in a weird mood for days.
A few days after, I dreamed that me, my dad, my mother, Joshua and my ex husband were in the ocean. Like the Titanic. There are life preservers everywhere. People are floating. It is obvious, we are the survivors from this shipwreck. My dad and I are struggling. In my dream, he has on the most beautiful Kelly Green sweater he wore when I was growing up. My dad is tired. Tired of trying to stay above water. He keeps going under. I'm pulling him, holding onto him, the best I can. He's telling me to let him go. Just let him go. As he goes down, one more time, I began to cry. He's so heavy. Because he's wet and that beautiful sweater now feels as if it's added 50 pounds to his body. I'm grasping for the sweater and hollering for help. As I turn around, to see where my family is, because I need help, I see them. They are about 300 feet from me. My mother, my ex husband and Joshua. My ex is holding Joshua in his arms. And suddenly I realize. They aren't struggling at all. The water only comes to their knees. And in my dream, I know. They are safe. They are not struggling. Because they are the good people. They are the people who don't have bad tempers, who don't pitch fits, who don't fuss for no apparent reason. The good people.
I wake up and wonder. I think about this dream for days. I talked to my Daddy about the dream. I was so glad he understood. It didn't sound crazy to him. It seemed to make the same sense to him as it did to me. Zachary was not even born yet. So this dream is at least 17 or 18 years old. And I can remember it like I had it yesterday.
Over the years, my friends will call. And ask me. To tell them. Tell them what "my stomach says" about some particular situation. I don't have any such internal visions..but I do have awesome gut instincts.
I've had a few experiences with deja vu''. The year Zach was about eight years old, me, Mims and Zach were going to Turbeville SC to visit family. We were riding down some long country road, and I got the strangest feeling. The feeling that I had seen all that before already. Been there. Which was ridiculous. I had only been there one time before, and that was about 4 years prior. And we had been nowhere near where we were riding that particular day. I was in the front seat relaying my thoughts and feelings to Mims. How weird it made me feel when things like that happened. Zach piped up from the backseat, asking me what "that word deja vu" meant. I explained it to him. And just as clear, he said, "Oh that, that happens to me all the time, it doesn't make me feel weird, I just know, I already know about it, some kind of way." I had chills go up my spine. I turned around in the seat and said really? You really do that? He just shrugged his shoulders like he does when he's through with something and kept looking out the window.
My daddy has sworn since Zach was about 2 years old, that he has been here before. That he is an old soul. And I'll grant, he is definitely an old soul. He'd just as soon sit up in Hardees on Saturday morning, and listen to all the old men tell stories and talk, as do anything else. Been here before? Not so sure about all that. Me? I don't have any special talents, just extremely sensitive nerve endings. Things have happened over the years, and my feelings did come to pass. But it spooks me a little. So I prefer to think I just have a wonderfully imaginative dream box.