Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Not some crazy cleansing process. Or fad diets that never work. Or pills that only raise your blood pressure and nervous energy level.
I was given a gift today. I escaped what could have been a horrible, devastating experience. For whatever reason, the good Lord decided to spare me. This time. I was granted a "do over". An opportunity to do over what I have not been doing right.
I'm a nervous eater. A worrying eater. A misery eater. The past six months or so have intensified all of those qualities in me. And I have done nothing but feed my symptoms. I don't have a lot of willpower where food is concerned. I can help you carry the weight of the world. But once I am alone again. In my house. By myself. I give in to the feelings of despair. The feeling of being scared. And I eat. To feed the fear. To feed the pain.
So I say this...I am going to do my best to eat healthier. To stop the overpowering need within myself to gorge. I could stand to lose about seventy-five pounds. I will start with trying to lose one. I will not set my goals so high, that I begin to feel defeated before I even start.
I will start walking again. Years ago, I walked three miles, every day. I was slim and trim. But more importantly, I was healthy. That is my goal. To be healthy again. Not to be a super model beauty. I am 47 years old, the possibility of those days are long over. And I am pretty sure, this body will never see a bikini again. But I would like to feel good in my clothes again. I would like to wear pants that do not bind my waist. I would like to stop wearing pants that have elastic and tops that do not blouse like a tent. I need to fill up my Ipod with old rock and roll and thumping beats. To step off the inches and pounds I have piled on.
All of those things are possible. I can do it without the craziness of starving or doing without food that I like to eat. I know how to eat in moderation. I just need to do it.
To do any less at this point would be disrespectful. I would be turning my back on the very One who decided there was a reason I still needed to be here. I want to be here to read Hop on Pop and I'll Love you Forever, to my grandchildren one day. I want to be here to throw a fishing pole, long after I develop arthritis in my arm. I want to be here to take care of whoever is left for me to take care of...and love. I want to be here to see my son Joshua published, successful and possibly famous. And, I want to be here to see whatever it is, that Zachary sets his mind to be. Because he too, is destined for greatness.
Thank you Lord, for the second chance. To get it right. It's long past time for me to get it right. I will do my very best, to not disappoint You. To make sure You don't regret, the blessing You chose to bestow on me.