Friday, February 4, 2011


Sometimes, it's best to wait. When anger or tears are driving your emotions. Wait. When you most want to strike out and defend. Wait. Wait until your actions and words will reflect the truth. Wait until you can speak with a calm the situation demands. Wait until you are answering, not screaming a response with words.

Last night, I chose to take the high road. I should know that road by heart. I have told my children so many times in their lives, which direction it is, and how to get there. I chose to remain calm. To collect my thoughts. Before I spoke again.

First, I will say, my children are my world. For so many years of my adult life, they have been my every waking thought. I have two of the wisest, most intelligent, and compassionate children you will ever meet. I knew once my first son was born, I was going to have to work very hard to keep up. And by the time my second son arrived, I knew moving double time, still might not be fast enough.

Secondly, I repeat, I have never regretted any conversation subjects or depths of conversation I have ever had with my children. I wanted to know, from the moment they both began to speak, everything they had to say. I wanted to know every question that crossed their minds. And I prayed, that both of them would always come to me for answers. Instead of strangers, or friends, or worse, whoever might lead them in the wrong direction.

I am well aware, that no matter how much I talk, how open I think I am, that I cannot control their lives. I cannot be with them through every decision making process they encounter. I can only hope, that somewhere, in their minds, my words still linger.

No doubt, there will come a day, my children may disappointment me. Their choices may disappointment me. No doubt, I may have very well already disappointed them at some point. I think I do the best I can. I'm pretty sure they think they do as well.

I am only going to say this one last thing, that I feel must be addressed if I am able to lay down and sleep again. For people who somehow think the way I raised my son, the openness in which I chose to raise Joshua, somehow "caused" him to be have absolutely NO idea what in the world you are talking about.

Both of my boys were raised the same exact way. To have choices, to be themselves, to pave their own road.  I gave/give both of them directions. It was their job to ride the wave. Nurture ~vs~ Nature. The great debate of all time. You don't know me if you think you can make me even remotely believe that I "caused" my child to be gay. Genetics "caused" Joshua to be gay. Period.

I have beautiful children. I dressed them both as boys. They both had trucks and tractors. I read the same books to both boys. Now they both like to read. They both love the humor of Will Ferrell, Adam Sandler, Seth Rogan and gross teenage folly. They both have the best sense of humors and the most sincere laughter you will ever hear. They both have the biggest hearts. I raised both of them to be good men. And they are..good men.

Joshua is gay. Zachary is not. At least I don't guess he is..maybe I should re-think this thing.  Zachary loves nice clothes, and has wonderful tastes in color and fine furniture. I wonder if Zachary knows, he could be, there is a possibility, he is a 1/4 gay?  He hates to be left out of anything....I'll have to let him know...some small minded person may prejudge him one day.  But to ignore it. And continue to be himself. Who he was raised to be. Who he was born to be. Just like his brother.

copyright © 2011 Michelle Mount Mims


  1. I am just in Aw of you and what you have to say.. it just gets better like a really good book that I can not put down that is what your writing does makes me want to read more. It is interesting,intelligent,respectful,and full of LOVE.. you are full of LOVE. We all know well the people that know you know that your children are Great Human Beings and really all that matters is That.... Who they love or who loves them is all that matters.... To Judge is To Be Judged.. No One will judge you here.. I think you are a remarkable woman who has raised remarkable men... Debi Potter Drawdy

  2. Michelle, I say that you taught your boys Love, you have shown them nothing but love and you have received nothing but love in return from them. It was and is your choice in how you raised them and that is no ones business to judge. You can only teach your children love, and it is then theirs to do with what they please. When and if I am able to have children, I hope that they experiece the love and happiness that you have shared with your sons and the love and happiness that my parents have given to me. I think you are a wonderful mother and you have two amazing sons. Who your children choose to be is left up to them and the road they feel they need to follow. And who they choose to love is completely up to them too. You cannot chose the people that come into your life, and you cannot choose the ones that you love or the ones that love you. Simple as that. That is a fact, not an opinion, and you cannot argue with fact! :)

  3. Debi and Stacey, the words you both took the time to say, mean so much to me. I tried my best to let this go, but I felt I owed it to my children as much as anything else. I could not let such ridiculous accusations/implications go unaddressed. Thank you both..I love you dearly.

  4. Michelle smile you have every right to be proud of your have done a good job, i think every one has the right to live the way they choose and with who they want to be with, what ever gender., i feel all parents should be honest with their children. keep it up you are doing the right thing.we only have one judge. love you and proud to be your other mom

  5. I am so proud I have YOU to be my other Mom. Love you Mama Shirley...the day I met you and your daughter, and you became a part of my family, and me yours, was a blessed day indeed.

  6. Michelle. You have done an outstanding job raising both your boys. I do know that as a parent you are one of the best i have ever seen. You always temper your decisions with love and your boys are not afraid to talk to you about anything. You are blessed to have that communication. I am glad to have you for another sister. Hey Mom I 'm bringing another kid home. ( she never knew how many were going to show up for supper)Love ya and keep up the good work.

  7. Michelle, You are so right!!! You can't make someone gay or ungay...they are born that way. I honestly cannot believe someone said you caused it by your parenting. That is just about the rudest thing anyone could say...I am so sorry that this happened to you...You sure didn't deserve that. I'm proud of you for being the better person. You are a class act.

    Love you friend, Roxanne

  8. Just wanted to add- I had to giggle when I read the part about Zach liking nice clothes & fine furniture...glad to know you still have your sense of humor!! :)

  9. Michelle, Ditto to all you said in your story concerning Ignorance...because that is exactly what a person is to believe that you as a mother could of somehow made your son gay. Complete and utter disrespect this person has shown themself to be. Obviously that person is also not educated in genetics or the way of the world these days. I agree with all that your friends and family have replied as well. Forget that person, wash away all the negative thoughts that their ignorance caused, and be proud of yourself for the wonderful person you are and the great young men you have raised. WE all love ya girl.

    Deb Salter